Having a random hookup so left but love u
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my poor anus
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
