I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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