Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
