I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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