Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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