when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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