The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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