would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
