STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
