You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
