Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
