one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize