u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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