Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
