My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
