There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
