hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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