um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
