I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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