Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
