don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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