I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize