WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
