somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
