News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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