we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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