everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
