this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
