I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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