O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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