do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
