Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
