Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
