My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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