It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
