if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
