just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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