Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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