I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize