Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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