Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
