No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
