I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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