LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
