u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Text me some of your sweat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
