i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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