I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have aggressive nipples.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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