Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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