**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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