i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize