it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
