He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
