We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
