it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
