The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
