so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i drank out of a bidet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
