Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
