Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
