Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
