I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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