Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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