Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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