i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
