Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
